If Only
by Marivan
Summary: Teddy Lupin comes for a morning visit at the Potter household, rekindling a painful nostalgia full of speculation of what might have been. R&R?


A/N: This fic went through a lot of different stages - progressing from 4 chapters to what it is now. I really don't know how I wrote that much excess, because this was really what was central to the story. The typos scattered through the original posting of this story, are now, hopefully, for the most part, gone. I'm very proud of this one shot, so I hope you enjoy it. Also, feel free to drop me a review, it would be greatly appreciated.

Disclaimer: I do not and will never own Harry Potter and the associated franchise. This work of fiction was written exclusively for the enjoyment of readers like you.

* * *

"Teddy's coming in half an hour and yet look at you," Ginny scolded her husband as he stumbled into the kitchen. Ginny, fully dressed and fully awake, was sipping a cup of tea and reading the Daily Prophet. Sunlight trickled in the bay window behind the breakfast table, illuminating the paper and the breezy sunshine yellow of the kitchen walls.

"Ah, why did you have to remind me?" Harry asked. Ginny could tell he was only somewhat joking however his current bathrobe and bedroom slipper clad state made it extremely difficult for her to take him seriously. Ginny just looked at him, eyebrows raised, silently questioning the validity of the previous comment.

"Fine. You win," Harry conceded after several seconds. He grinned sheepishly at his wife and slowly trudged out of the room.

Harry reappeared several minutes later, showing marked improvement over his former state. He was dressed, that was good. He had shaved, even better, and, Ginny noted with a smile, he had obviously tried very hard to comb his hair, which typically had the reverse effect. This time was no exception. As he slid into the chair across from her, Ginny couldn't help but comment:

"You know if you would just stop combing you hair all together, it might just lay flat for once," she teased. Harry looked skeptically at his wife and reached across the table to take a sip from her cup of tea.

Just then the doorbell rang.

"It's them Gin, I should've known Andromeda would be early. Would you mind getting the door so I can at least get some breakfast?" Harry asked quietly, as he gave her a pleading glance.

"Sure thing," Ginny replied, and she kissed him on the forehead on the way out of the kitchen.

-oOo-

He saw the little boy with bright blue hair tug excitedly on his grandmother's arm as he waited on the doorstep of a classic country cottage style home. The smile glowing on the boy's face was the kind of innocent, gleeful smile of a child that warms any adult's heart. Yet in this instance it was also kind of heart wrenching.

If only it was me holding his hand… If only…

But he could not dwell on what might have been. His fate had been sealed, and he had no regrets about the way in which it happened.

_There are some things that are worth dieing for. And that was one of them._

Though he had no regrets about what had happened, he still wished, on occasion, that he could swoop down to earth and share those special moments: birthdays, weddings, that sort of thing. But it was not to be. He would only be a powerless bystander, an unnoticed witness.

When a fiery red head opened the cottage door and knelt down with open arms, his heart, or what remained of one, tumbled uncontrollably. The boy, his son, toddled unsteadily towards the woman's waiting arms, and when he arrived he was scooped into a loving embrace and nestled onto her hip. A familiar raven-haired man joined the woman at the door. He kissed the little boy's forehead and the boy grabbed at his glasses with a rather chubby hand. The three adults chuckled at the joy the boy had brought, as his grandmother turned back down the stoop and the couple turned inside with the turquoise haired boy.

There were three people he had ever truly loved, the last with turquoise hair, whom he had know for only a few short months, but was unconditionally in love with from the moment of his first breath. The second had died with him that fateful day in battle. She had brought him out of darkness and her cheerful bubblegum hair continued to comfort him when he needed it most. And then there was the first, whose fiery red hair he had tried to shut away, too dangerous to truly examine, too many unspoken emotions.

And now it was all too closely intertwined. Life wasn't supposed to be this neat, while also being so utterly chaotic. That his own son was in the loving care of the son of his first real love and best friend, whose wife mirrored her almost exactly. It was too too much.

For the first time in years, Remus allowed a tear to flow freely down his check. His wife soon found him, and looped her arm around his waist. She sat there silently comforting him, and Remus was glad she hadn't said anything. Finally it was him who broke the silence.

"The first time I saw her at Hogwarts it reminded me of her when we'd been in school."

Tonks looked at him quizzically, "You know you're not making a whole lot of sense."

"Yes, but it doesn't have to. It never will."

-oOo-

As Harry and Ginny turned inside and closed the door behind them, Teddy snuggled his head into Ginny's neck and she stroked his back soothingly. Harry made his way over to the couch of their family room and sat down. He was lost in thought.

"You know," Harry said, after several quiet moments.

"What?" Ginny asked softly.

"His parents touched a lot of lives," Harry said pensively, "particularly his father."

"Yes. Particularly his father."

As she crossed the room and took a seat next to her husband, Ginny's thoughts roamed to the Professor whom she had loved for his steady calm and thoughtful demeanor. He had been a mentor and a friend and she wished dearly that time hadn't taken him so quickly. There hadn't been time to tell him how much she cared for him.

And then Teddy woke from his slight reverie. He squirmed, and poked Ginny in the check and she let him out of her grasp. He and Harry scrambled to the floor and began to play. Ginny looked on with motherly love and happiness for both of them.

Harry had once commented to her that sometimes he had just, inexplicably, felt his parents' or Sirius's presence. Ginny had always thought him mad for it. Now she finally understood: he was here now and Ginny could sense his comforting presence.


End file.
